What Goes Around Comes Around!

“Someone once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” ~ Mary Oliver

In our culture aging is feared, maligned and older folks often marginalized. Consider the thousands of advertisements seen daily on television and social media touting products to reverse or prevent wrinkles, for grey and thinning hair, to reverse or slow down memory loss and a multitude of other illnesses and horrors associated with aging. Things do change as we age, that is common knowledge, but it is not all horrific. In fact, some of the things that aging brings are absolutely wonderful.

When we begin to age we most often begin running from it. When we finally realize that it is a normal stage of life, part of human development, we begin to relax. When that relaxing begins is when we start to see the many gifts and insights aging brings. There was a reason our ancestors venerated the Elders and those reasons still blossom if we take the time to look.

I can speak to these things, as I am in my so-called golden years. What goes around really does come around and in a most comforting and satisfying way. That box of darkness that aging could have been considered, is not really dark at all. I will explain some of the reasons why aging is quite often golden.

First, let’s look at the “goes around, comes around” thing. In our expression and thinking and in our physical bodies everything we have learned, experienced and all those we have crossed paths with in our lives seem to circle around and show up for us again. This time when they show up we have a lifetime of wisdom to recognize and welcome their return. The knowledge we have can help another. The experience we have may light the path for someone in need. The love that we hold for others can be openly shared and bring joy to them and us. It is miraculous how we can revisit and reclaim the joyful moments and the things that bring us peace.

This is no coincidence, our stage in life attracts it like a moth to the light. It may be the curtain call of our lives as we are at the stage where anything could extinguish us. I firmly believe it is the knowledge of this impending end that makes the experience so enriched. If there is an awakening in life, this might very well be part of the experience.

There are certain end-of-life developmental goals that aging folks generally meet. This includes the assessing and determining of what our legacy left to this world looks like. What gifts did we give to others, our culture, our tribe? These are critical elements to a peaceful end of life. To determine this, we need to explore our regrets, things to celebrate, things to forgive others for and to seek forgiveness for ourselves. The good thing is that opportunities to meet these needs come at the end of life.

Assessing the meaning and the experiences we have had in our lives helps us to see ourselves clearly, what we have done and how we have lived. Even in these crazy times where we watch the society we wanted to grow be stressed and look as though it is going to fall apart. We can remember what we contributed, when we did the right things and cherish those moments. Further, it doesn’t mean that what we have done and who we are will be erased.

How do we resurrect those good feelings from the past and do it in the present chaos and discord? My answer to that is to seek it, and here is how:

• Find old friends and reconnect. The first few minutes may be awkward, and we may have chosen very different paths, but we have the beginning of our lives in common. Why can’t we find a way to reunite at the end? Genuine caring finds a way and is profoundly healing.
• We can engage in our community and make sure we support others and ourselves.
• If we need to say we are sorry for something, find to way to say it in person, own the mistake and see if there is enough of a spark there to continue the relationship. It holds value for you both if you can.
• Take the first step, make the call, create the text, post, letter, email and send it out. If there is no response, at least you tried and the burden is no longer yours.
• Show up where it counts, at gatherings, events, and functions like re-unions. Make lunch dates and reconnect. Take the initiative, you hold the power and that power gives you peace. The average person lives less than 50 miles from where they were born. You probably have many old friends within less than an hour’s drive. It is worth it for you and for them!
• Use Social Media for good and good only. Your algorithm will change once you rid yourself of the detritus of trolls, liars, folks living in blindness and negativity and fake friends. Post things that will engage your true friends and reflect who you really are. Follow and find old friends. There is good in social media and it is a way to connect with those at a distance that you want to keep in your life.
• Make new friends at events, take an art or writing class (that engages the areas of your brain that do not erode with dementia), join the “Y,” do something you have always wanted to do, a bucket list item for instance. Take sufficient time for fun.
• Volunteer at a not-for-profit organization that needs help and aligns with your world view. Work with advocacy groups that support people who are in marginalized populations, for instance.
• There truly is no greater joy than offering someone a hand up, sharing a way to find peace with another or just listening to someone who needs to be heard. These things bring joy, meaning, comfort to you and the receiver.

Opportunities abound to find joy in aging and facing the end with dignity. We did a lot to make the world better in our youthful years, there is nothing stopping us from doing the same now and finding our peace and joy at the end. Just do it as our friends at Nike would say! You’ll be better for it!

To subscribe to our newsletter from A Sandy Place or to work with me for improvement of well-being holistically, email me at sandy@asandyplace.com. Respectfully, Sandra L. (Sandy) Place