Stone Soup, a Parable of Connectedness
June 8, 2026
Grief grips us in many ways and while it may become more bearable, it truly never leaves. It sneaks up on us years after the loss, often with precision cuts and disruptive timing. Grief can wear many faces and come from any kind of loss. We can even grieve our own death before it comes. This often happens with those facing terminal illness. There are a wide variety of grief types, I believe many of us experience at least several of these grief experiences during our lifetime.
Remembering that since grief can be experienced with any major life transition, and as an outcome from some trauma or any significant change or loss, we can classify grief in a variety of types. Let’s look at these processes.
- Anticipatory grief: This is most commonly found when someone is preparing for their own death after being diagnosed with a terminal illness or if preparing for a loved one’s death.
- Traumatic Grief: This generally happens when something sudden, violent or unexpected occurs and generates a loss of some kind. Because it is sudden, the brain has trouble actually trying to process the loss or reality of the event itself, this then often presents as a feeling of being overwhelmed.
- Delayed Grief: The emotional reaction in this type of grief is delayed or postponed due to other more immediate needs or fears. Sometimes it resurfaces years after the event. Think about the folks who have been through a major weather event or flooding and lost everything, but due to the nature of the incident, there is no time to grieve.
- Absent Grief: With this type of grief there is no outward signs of mourning, no emotional reaction, it is all rather matter of fact. The emotion reaction is buried and the absence of response is a likely defense mechanism.
- Disenfranchised Grief: This is grief that occurs when a loss is not validated, acknowledged, recognized by society or publicly mourned by others. For instance: loss of a pet, a miscarriage or the end of some hidden relationship that is not validated by the mourner’s social group.
- Complicated Grief: a debilitating form of grief that does not have any resolution, is prolonged and interferes with daily activities of life. Variants include subtypes of this grief like Chronic Grief (long-lasting, unrelenting) and Exaggerated Grief (which shows up as destructive behaviors).
- Cumulative Grief: This grief occurs when there is multiple incidents of grief in succession with no time to heal from the previous grief-inducing incident.
- Abbreviated Grief: This occurs most commonly following anticipatory grief and has a shorter time of responding due to grief already experienced. It can also occur if the role of what is being grieved is shortened by being replaced in the griever’s experience.
- Grieving Identity: Mourning the end of a major life role, as a parent, in retirement or after a divorce, for example.
- Collective Grieving: A shared experience of mourning felt by a community, society, or the results of a world-wide tragedy, disaster, war or other catastrophic global event.
Now let’s look at how grief may manifest when we experience it or witness it in a family, friend or colleague. Grief presents emotionally, cognitively and physically. It may do so with fond or sorrowful memory, when visiting a place that brings thoughts of the loss to the forefront, or out of nowhere. It is cyclic and operates in waves that vary in intensity, form and duration. It can be gut-punching and it can be a kind reflection, like tears generated from an old photo. However it presents, know that it is a biologically hardwired response to loss.
Emotionally, grief can come in waves and sail through a broad range of feelings that often include a profound sorrow or a yearning for what was. It can be a feeling of emptiness and of what is missing and deeply needed. It can be anger and frustration with one’s self, others and persons or situations comprising the loss. With emotional grief one can also feel a profound numbness, emotional blunting or even relief if the end of suffering was the outcome for the beloved one lost.
Cognitively, grief profoundly affects the brain by reducing brain activity, especially in the prefrontal cortex which means executive functions cannot fully function. Plans may go awry as a result. “Grief Brain” or “Brain Fog” are common, and concentrating on day to day tasks may be disrupted. There can be a feeling of disbelief and the individual suffering cannot fully accept the reality or permanence of what has occurred. There is often memory lapses, forgetfulness, misplacing of items and a sense of time disruption.
Physically, the body processes grief as a threat to survival. As a consequence, the stress hormone cortisol flows abundantly. This generates the fight, flight or hide responses of trauma, because your body responds to this loss as traumatic. The by-product of this perceived survival threat is exhaustion, fatigue, sleep disturbances, physical pain, muscle tension, headaches, shortness of breath, nausea, loss of appetite, and sadly, lowered immunity.
What can we do to support ourselves and our loved ones who are experiencing grief for any reason and are experiencing any of the symptoms we outlined? There are a variety of ways to ground and uplift the grieving. Here are a few that have been found to be evidence-based and effective.
- Grounding and somatic-based interventions are particularly good for physically based grief symptoms. Try things that are body-based practices like breathwork, box breathing using the 4X4X4X4 method of breathing. (Here’s a link to guide you: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/r6Fk62s0B4w) This calms the nervous system and decreases anxiety. Mindful exercise like yoga, Tai chi and walking in nature all encourage physical release and grounding.
- When words aren’t enough and cognition is stressed, things like art and music therapies allow the grieving person to vent feelings through expression. Feelings can be expressed with drawing, painting, singing, playing or listening to calming music. Journaling is also very helpful. Writing a letter to the lost loved one, saying what needs to be said releases emotion and supports the individual in pain. Creating rituals, constructing an ancestor altar, lighting a candle for the loved one, or planting a memory garden all help and ground.
- Community and Peer Support is helpful. Grief support groups and faith or spiritual groups akin to the grieving one’s beliefs can also provide comfort.
- If the grief is unrelenting seek a professional grief counselor who can help with complicated grief in all its forms. You can also seek out a mindfulness-based stress reduction group that incorporates meditation and mindfulness which allow a person to accept their emotional state without self-judgment.
- Laughter yoga and humor sound out of place here, but laughter is medicine. It does not diminish the loss but it helps to walk through the pain. There is an excellent article entitled, “Laughing in the Face of Loss: Why Humor Belongs at the Table with Grief,” by Marc Malamud and is available at the Good Death Society Blog at https://thegooddeathsocietyblog.net/. Check this and other excellent articles about grief, death and dying on their website.
At A Sandy Place we are dedicated to a life rich in well-being. Dealing with the death of a loved one or a potential terminal condition for ourselves is all part of feeling whole. If you have questions, or have a topic you would like to see covered, please write me at sandy@asandyplace.com. For more blog articles, visit our website at https://asandyplace.com/blog/.
It is always a pleasure to connect with you!
Sandra (Sandy) L. Place
