Autumn and Ancestor Veneration

As the season changes to Autumn, we begin to see the haunting beauty of the world around us as it prepares for the thinning of the veil between the worlds. You may or may not believe this happens, or understand its significance for those who do, but either way, there are so many things to enjoy and experience at this time of year.

Most of us engage with children and friends for Halloween experiences and Trick or Treating. More and more families are creating “Ofrenda de Muertos” which are wonderful alters remembering the family and honoring ancestors. There are two days for celebration: Day of the Dead and Día de los Angelitos (Day of the Little Angels, children who died) on November 1st, and All Souls Day , November 2nd.  All Soul’s Day is dedicated to praying for souls undergoing purification in purgatory and is derived from the Catholic tradition.

This month, I want to share how we can use this time of change to honor and venerate our ancestors using an old and beautiful experience. This practice is called the “Dumb Supper” or “Dumb Dinner.” Below you will find a little history and how to host this silent dinner while deeply engaging and honoring those of our blood that paved the way for our lives.

Hosting and participating in a “Dumb Dinner or Silent Supper:”

Offering food to our ancestors is a common practice for special occasions, holidays, and mealtimes in general around the world. However, modern dumb suppers (dumb here is not lacking intelligence, it is being silent) are meals made and enjoyed with your deceased ancestors. This meal is enjoyed with absolutely no conversation (purportedly to allow the dead to have room to speak). The host or hostess will explain the way to participate in the experience and cleanse and create the space.

Cleansing Your Space:

I suggest cleansing your space the day before you want to host your dinner. While it’s essential to have positive energy around your home, you want to make it easy for your ancestors to come in. Ensure the room is clean and tidy. Some people like to sage the room to clear it of negative energies. Open the windows for a few minutes prior to the meal beginning to freshen the air and invite the ancestors in.

Setting the Table:

According to some, unnatural light interferes with spiritual communication. Candles and oil lamps provide an atmospheric and inviting light. Decorate using artifacts and seasonal décor. Invite your guests (if you are opening your table) to bring one small item representing their ancestors to the table. You will have a place setting for each guest and you can use place cards if that would benefit the group. Ensure there is one small plate by each place setting for the ancestor’s food. It is wonderful if you have an additional table to set the food for plating. Food serving will also be done in silence. Ensure you supply pen and paper next to the dinner plates; attendees will need to write down their thoughts and feelings as they move through the meal.

What to cook:

I personally believe this meal, if open to guests other than family, is best if each person brings one dish passed down from their ancestors to share. If you are doing all the cooking, use your passed-down family recipes to share. You can also consider looking up recipes that were common for a specific time or culture. Remember not to tax yourself, as the night will be long for the host.

The ritual and experience:

Call the folks to the table after the food is placed on the serving table, but before folks start getting their food. Explain to them the steps of the experience they are about to take, including if they have to step away for any reason, get uncomfortable, or need help. Begin the silent supper by ringing a bell, initially to get the groups attention. You can also use a sound bowl to clear the air. Explain that the purpose of this ritual meal is to honor and connect with our ancestors. Share a little about epigenetics and how this is one physiological way we can connect. Inform them that ancestors may share moods, thoughts, emotions, requests and that the quiet of the table and the intention to connect is powerful. Remind guests (and use this language in the invocation) to only invite in ancestors with loving intent, as all ancestral lines have skeletons in closets. Share that the host will provide an invocation with a second sound cue from the bell or bowl. At that point there is total silence. They need to know the importance of the silence until they hear the bell again, if they have to ask a question, they will use their note pads and send the note to the host who will answer by note. They will also use their note pads for messages they receive from the ancestors. If they have to get up for more food, bathroom, etc., remind them to do so silently, and where the things they may need are located. Please no laughing, until the debriefing by the host at the end. Have tissues available.  When the ritual is completed the third and final ringing of the bell or sounding of the bowl will end the silence. Have the group take some time to jot down any final thoughts and messages. Go around the table by asking for a volunteer to begin sharing thoughts about their experience. The host will share finally and ask the group for any suggestions that might improve the experience for next year.

Final Thoughts and Embellishing Ideas for the Meal Ritual:

• Raise a toast to the ancestors as part of your invocation to the ritual.
• Some folks use a single chair, decorated “ancestor chair” symbolizing all the ancestors. This is very helpful with space limitations.
• Let the candles burn down and extinguish safely.
• Some also serve the meal backwards, with dessert first.

Cleaning Up: At the end of your supper, leave all food and drinks offered to your honored ancestral guests on the table. They need time to enjoy their offerings. Then, you can properly dispose of leftovers in a sacred and earth-supporting way. Take a moment to thank everyone who attended (living or deceased).

Closing Thoughts: I think this quote is appropriate for the living and for our connection to the dead:

“A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”  ~ Rachel Naomi Remen

Enjoy the season! If you have the time and inclination, let me know if you try the Silent Supper and how it went at: sandy@asandyplace.com

Yours in well-being,

Sandra (Sandy) L. Place